A REVISIT TO  FACEBOOK

So after some encouragement from a few friends to get the blog back up and running, I’ve decided to kick things back off in the same way they started: With a few new critical rants and raves on social networking sites.

Lets start with the first and most obvious annoyance since the last time I wrote about Facebook, The add application option. This nifty new piece of garbage, allows your friends to endlessly spam your account with desperate please to help them advance their level 15 zombie, or to join them in their quest for knighthood. Here’s a list of some of the more brilliant applications I’ve found so far:

• Pillow Fight- yes now you and your friends can throw virtual pillows at each other in the ultimate gay rip-off of the poke feature. Maybe this is just me, but if I’m going to “throw” something at my friends in a fake online sort of way, a pillow would be last on my list. Not to mention when these networking sites are full of sick predators, letting people see your pillow fight application just screams out that you're the weakling of the herd.
• Jewish Dates 2.0- For those zany half Hebrews who can never remember the other side of the family’s important dates comes the Jewish dates application. Always forget when Yom Kipur is coming up? Make sure all your friends know you’re in touch with your torah, and never forget those important dates too. Also a great tool for picking up that special New York girl from school by showing her you’re cool with her heritage.
• What Type of Eyes do You Have?- A quirky little application that tells you what type of eyes you have, based solely off personality based questions. Is this the craziest thing anyone else has ever heard of? Instead of looking in a mirror, let a computer program that has no way of seeing your eyes tell you. Great for the blind and those on acid trips.
• (lil) Green Patch- The idea behind this genius application is to fight global warming by getting people to add their application and that their sponsors will donate based on how many people join the application. A great idea at first, until you sit down and think about things a bit. There are almost a half a million DAILY users of this application as I write this, and almost four thousand wall posts. I wonder how much electricity was wasted in total by all these people adding the application and posting on the wall. Great you’ve added an extra five cents onto someone’s donation for the cause, you saved a fern in the rainforest; well now in the 5 minutes you’ve spent each day using this application, you’ve contributed to energy companies releasing even more pollutants into the air. And just so we’re clear if you do have this application and you’re reading this, well damn it you’ve wasted another 5 minutes on this blog, I think you’ve killed your fern and a few others by now.

Well I’m getting tired, I’ll continue to edit this blog through tomorrow and it should be finished some time soon, enjoy the work so far.

I Need a Mirror and a Comb

If Facebook and Myspace have shown me anything, it's just how vain people have become. Sure, I always knew people were obsessed with how the look, but not to the extent that I see while browsing my friends' profiles. "Boys like Blondes, but men like Brunettes" "Blonde's do it better" "Beautiful People Club" and after that last one, I look up to the sky, stare for a minute, and realize I've already made it to hell. I mean lets be honest, who see's that you're in the beautiful people club and goes "Well fuck, all this time I've been chasing the wrong girls". And let me just say if you're joining the beautiful people group, your self esteem, well shit it couldn't be any higher. Nothing is more pathetic than the sad little girl shouting "Look at me! Look at me! I'm so pretty!” As for the blonde and brunette groups: we can tell by your picture what hair color you have, and no, the gene that decided your hair color did not decide how attractive you are as well so just shut up with your rivalry. But hey if you believe that it truly is the same gene then fear not, you're in good company, Hitler thought the same thing too. Don't get me wrong, I'm not calling you Hitler if you honestly think your hair color makes you superior or more attractive, I'm just trying to point out how ridiculously vain these groups make you look. While I’m on the subjects of facebook groups, there's another group that's really crawled under my skin lately: the Coastal Party Community. Last I’ve checked the group has over 800 members and there's still a whole new wave of incoming freshman yet to make a profile. WHAT THE HELL!? Wait, let me get this straight, you go to school in Myrtle Beach, you're a college student, and you like to party? OH SNAP! Congratulations! You belong to an elite group of college students who like to do the same! Every fucking college student on the planet! Get a clue morons, it doesn't make you unique or impressive to join this group. Please, if you belong to one of these groups, do yourself a favor and remove it.  I can understand being lonely or not being the most secure person in the world, just don't post it all over your profile and make it a sad site for all of your friends to see. Sorry if I offended anyone with this one, I know it was a little harsher than usual, but hey sometimes the truth hurts.

"I can't take anymore, is this all we are? Can you help me sleep again?"

3 Teaspoons Disgust, With a Pinch of Ignorance

So I probably should be writing an english paper right now, but I'm not in the mood so forget that. In an attempt to get my creative writing gears going I'm going to write on here, but I warn anyone reading,  from here on out this is going to be a completely random post.

Can somebody please tell me why the items on the dollar menue at McDonalds cost more than a Dollar? I walked in the other night with only a Mr. Washington in my pocket, and wound up diving on the floor searching for a dime, all so I could get something that was supposed to only be costing me a dollar. Listen up McDonalds, if you're going to put up a dollar menue I don't care how much you greedy pigs are making off of me, i care how much money I have to give up though so I don't have to go running arround the resturaunt all to find a few peices of loose change so you can rip me off and not have to worry about taxes taking away from your profits. You're a multi billion dollar franchise, I think you can spare me the extra 8 cents so I can get something for exactly a dollar. By the way, while I'm on the topic of McDonalds, did you know that they now charge for honey mustard and barbecue sauce? according to the woman at the counter last night people have been "absuing the free condements and wasting it". Apparently McDonalds is suddenly concerned in the fight against world hunger yet they can't afford to spare the extra 8 cents profit off of the dollar menu. I have to say my favorite part of my trip to McDonalds though was the fact that they were charging for barbecue sauce and honey mustard, yet on the counter by the straws there was still a big tub of Heinz Ketchup sitting there for you to pump as much as you wanted. I guess the career track of a ketchup theif just isn't as prosperous as it used to be.

Advil, why does Advil have a sweet coating? One would think that would be a bad idea for something that you're not supposed to have more than 6 in 24 hours. Plus I mean you think they'd make cold medicine taste disgusting so you're not encouraged to get sick.

So I wen't to the Xbox360 Concert last night(for the most part an amazing show) and as The Academy Is... Took the stage, I could only look on with horror. Not only did the lead singer have women's bellbottoms on, but he had a woman's shirt on and a bandana tied arround his knee as well. That guy has some serious gender identification issues, I mean honestly girls jeans is bad enough, but a woman's shirt (that was way too small  by the way) too? and let's be honest in order to wear pants that low, you know he had to at least shave some of his pubes and stomach hair off. How low of a self  immage do you have to have to look in the mirror with women's bellbottoms on and think you look good in it? Is this what punk rock is coming to? While I'm on the subject of The Academy Is... I have one quick though on their new single "Slow Down", does anyone else realize the hypocrisy of this song? "Hollywood hills and suburban thrills, hey you who are you kidding, I'm not like them, I won't buy in" They're rock stars, how the hell are they not "buying in" when they're living it!? Alright it's a catchy song, but honestly how can you take this song seriously knowing the band is raking in plenty of money from selling their album and selling concert tickets. Well Academy Is... I won't buy in either, and that includes any of your music.

I've got plenty more I could ramble on about, but I'll save it for another time because I definatly need to get my paper done now seeing as it's due  in about 4 hours. Untill another time I get bored, later world.

CAUTION: REDNECKS SLOWER THAN MAY APPEAR IN MIRROR

While driving back from the House Of Blues the other day I came to the conclusion that the kid from The Ring (you know the one who draws circles the whole time, and somehow its supposed to be frightening?) must also have drawn up the road plans for the Myrtle Beach area, and he probably did it blindfolded too. I say this because, well I know a circle when I see one, and thats the exact pattern you drive in for an hour or two trying to find the right combination of roads to get you to where you want to be. Thinking after one semester we should know the roads well enough already, Wiggins and I set off for the HOB at 3pm with Cartel's album Chroma in the CD player, and just enough money for our concert tickets in pocket. The trip to the House took us roughly half an hour, just as mapquest now tells me it should have, but the ride back was the real treat. After listening to Chroma for the second time through, and one punk rock chorus with the same singer too many, I was about to lose my mind when it dawned on me that this ride was taking a whole lot longer than the trip it took to get to the HOB in the first place. Confused as to how this could have happened when we were following the same way we got there in the first place, i scanned the landscape for a familiar landmark and wound up seing one of the most rediculous road signs ever. "CAUTION: BRIDGE AHEAD ICES BEFORE ROAD" Now I know this is a common road sign in states where it actualy snows, but South Carolina? I know people swimming in the god damn Atlantic Ocean in January here, and you're going to waste however much money it costs to make that idiotic sign on a once a year (if that) event? I'd love to meet the driver who see's that sign and says "Oh shit, Honey, buckle up the kids" I'm sure he'd/she'd make a great Bob Saget/Vanessa Williams (see Johnson Family Vacation if you don't know what i mean by her) stunt double. Why didn't they spend all the money they wasted on those sides improving the roads so we wouldn't be scanning road signs to find our way back to the dorm in the first place?

Now in case you're not familiar with the Myrtle Beach area, let me just explain something, whoever planned (if you can call it that) the roads down here seriously messed up. Not only do complete highways suddenly fork off into other highways sending you in the wrong direction, but now because the roads are so messed up they've had to create new bypass highways to try to straigten the mess out. Of course with the blessing of the oh so wise state of South Carolina (we're the state with the Confederate flag flying on our capitol still) the highway department or whoever comes up with the names for these roads has decided to name the bypass after the same roads they were made to fix.  So now not only is Route 17 a confusing road, but theres also a Business 17 to really screw with your head.  How could anyone in their right minds in the state approve that plan? And it is this thought process that lead me to the ultimate person to blame for this mess of a road system: Dolly Parton. Not only is her dixie stampeed conveniently located off of the new bypass 17 (confused with all these 17's yet? try living with it), but getting a bunch of drunk golfing tourists lost arround her business works out perfectly for it.  A bunch of golf buddies decide to head to myrtle beach to get smashed, play golf, and visit strip clubs for the weekend, and on the way to the strip club get lost on 17 somewhere. Eventually they're gonna pass Dolly Parton's Dixie Stampeed and think "screw it we're lost, and just want to see some breasts, i'm drunk enough, enormous fakes on a grandma will do fine"...and into the parking lot they drive. Well your secret's out Dolly, thanks for screwing up Myrtle Beach for the rest of us, and damn it, if i wanted to see a cheap slut's chest I know where Nuttin' But Horse Play is, so up yours!